Not quite the friend I had in mind.

The Fake Suicide Note Incident.

So, if you know me, you know I like to make jokes. I really like to go out of my way to make a good joke. Effort is hardly ever wasted. Even if the person who the joke is meant for is the only one who doesn't find it funny, or if only one person finds it funny. If theres a chance I can make something funny, I'll probably take it. Humor is like my second blood. I like to make big, elaborate jokes when it calls for it, whether it be making fun of angry, ranting myspace bulletins, or writing a fake suicide note on an internet forum goers behalf. The following story is that of the latter (as you can tell by the title of this).

In a recent thread, the subject was the upcoming Coen Brothers movie, Burn After Reading. In this thread, posters compared the style of this movie to another Coen Brothers movie, Fargo. Anyone who has seen Fargo knows its a bit of a comedy in the first half, then slowly dips into incredibly violent and depressing (compared to the first half, anyways) in the second, and Burn After Reading, based on its trailer, seems to follow that structure. Along with mentioning Fargo, most of the posters were in agreement that Fargo was one of the Coen's best. One poster disagreed, saying that not only he and his friends disliked it, but that he had never met a single soul that actually did like it. Not long after making that statement, another poster came in and quipped that this particular persons life experience had just been expanded because hey, he just met people who clearly liked Fargo.

Then bam, my remaining 20 brain cells kicked in, I got an idea, and I went into ACTION.

The very first thing that popped into my head was to write a suicide note in the character of Mr. DontlikeFargo, saying that not knowing anyone who liked Fargo was the only thing holding him from killing himself, and now that he had, life no longer had meaning. The entire letter was filled with a bunch of things giving away it was a joke, and to send that puppy home, I ended it with "P.S. We're out of rope."

Just as I was about to post this masterpiece I got to thinking "hm, maybe I shouldn't do this. I mean, I know theres hardly a taboo on the forum, but maybe a fake suicide note is pushing the limit." Seriously, I didn't want to post it, then on some insane off chance, another forum poster had a friend or family member who wrote a suicide note before letting bears eat him, then the note brings back awful memories which causes him to go insane and start a war against the bears. He'd never make it out alive, not with WarBear out there, anyways. So, Just to be safe, I messaged a moderator asking if he thought it was a good idea. He replied saying that while he sees nothing wrong with the note, as its all within the context, he felt that other posters had already dug into him enough, so to post my extreme and elaborate joke might be a bit too much of a rib at this point. I said okay, thanked him for the advice, and didn't use it. I put it in my pocket, and left it there for days. After a while I checked my pocket, and after realizing it was no longer there, I figured I threw it away.

Until this morning, that is.

I woke up to the vibration on my phone, as my face felt it right to fall asleep right on top of it. I checked to see who it was, and after realizing it was an unknown call, decided it was not worth answering. They left a message, and I love voicemails, so I checked it. It was my aunty who lives at my dads house, and she had this extremely frantic tone of voice about her. I called her back and asked what was up. She sounded so worried, like someones life was on the line, and said "Michael, I found this note on the ground, and maybe its just one of your video game friends or something, but its a suicide note, Michael!"

Oh shit. Oh shiiiiiiit. I guess I didn't throw it away.

"OH NO NO NO NO, AUNTY WAIT THATS JUST A JOKE!" "What?" "Yeah, for those internet forums I post on, I wrote that as just a joke. If you knew why that was written it'd made complete sense, but yeah, thats not real." After a few seconds of silence, my aunty began talking again, this time with a voice of relief, yet still a bit of concern.

"Michael, I called dad about this."

My heart dropped for a second, as I somehow confused "Dad" with "the police." If there was one thing I didn't want to do at this point, it was have to explain to a bunch of cops that I wrote a fake suicide note to make my internet forum friends laugh. Somehow I think that unless one of them posted on the forums, that would not go down well with them. So, I asked her to repeat that, and it became quite clear that I heard wrong.

"I called dad, Michael. I thought someone was really trying to kill themselves. Especially at the end where it says 'p.s. Were out of rope' and I was like 'what the hell?!' Michael, call him right now before this gets out of hand!"

So we hung up and I called him, who was a lot more calm about it then I thought he would be. I explained it was a joke for the internet forums, to which he replied that that was a bad idea for a joke, and I again explained how it makes complete sense within context, so while everyone on the forums would have got it (and found it hilarious), I agreed that overall, suicide notes are a hard thing to get humor out of.

As much as I want to post the note and show you guys, I'm pretty sure my aunt threw it away by now, which I find to be sad, because I know it was hilarious.

Too bad.

In need of a friend.

I believe a turtle can know karate.

Coming soon...

So, I'm trying to get this on a two updates a week thing, but man it is demanding on my time and talents. Mostly talents, because I have a serious lack of that, and I'm not speaking ill of my talents or anything, but it is a truth that if you ever saw something I drew and thought "man that is quality" then do know it took much longer than it would have for someone like, say, Nedroid. I'm going to break his kneecaps one day. I love his stuff too much to break his hands, but I don't love him enough to not break his legs.

I got what I believe to be some pretty strong ideas, and while I won't say any of it, I do think it will fit nicely with you folks who read this. I know that stupid bluff thing below this post was extremely weak sauce, but I felt like I just had to put something out to keep my mind flowing. I wanted to get to drawing this idea I got recently, but I decided to stay a week at my dads, and over here I don't have artrage. I do have Flash here, and I would've been doing more weak sauce fillers, but I don't have my pen mouse. It was insanely infuriating when I stopped at my mom's house on the way home from a hike today and I picked up my Wacom Tablet and halfway here I realized I forgot the damn pen. I will break Nedroid's kneecaps all the more breakingly for this.

So, expect new shit within the next week and a half or so.

Nedroid, if you're reading this, best watch your kneecaps.

Calling His Bluff.

Well, he didn't, I guess.

Delicious Treats For A Hungry Boy.

Thanks for all the kind words!

Not The Best Time.

Click to Enlarge. Click again to enlarge more.

Out of the house?

First let me start off by requesting that whoever reads this does not expect funny things. I'm pretty sure the whole point of the whole cracked/pwot blog circle thing was to write about informative and funny things and shit and help improve our writing, but what the hell. I can't really write funny things, but if you talk to me, I am slightly more funny, or something. Either way, this is in no way funny, and actually rather... I don't want to say depressing, but I guess it is. So, maybe you shouldn't read it. Yeah, it'd be best if you instead watched the Fatboy Slim music video for the song "Praise You" which was directed by the always great Spike Jonze.


I'm dead serious when I say this is probably my favorite music video of all time.

So, now that you have all left, I will continue.

I don't want to say I live in a broken home. I'm not going to go into the details of my life, but I guess I'll give the bare basics. My mom and dad are separated, and I live with my mom and autistic brother, and my dad lives on the other side of the island with my other brother. My autistic brother and I stay the weekends at my dad. My autistic brother prefers to live with my mom, and I stay with her to help. Now, to clarify, I did say I live with my mother and autistic brother. This figures in greatly to the subject of this post. Me and my autistic brother don't actually get along. He rarely calls me by name and instead chooses to use the more open ended "hey asshole." My mom usually sides with my brother in misunderstandings, and I always end up getting scolded. He and I don't really get into anything. From what I can tell, he just doesn't like me. My mother often expresses her disappointment in me because I don't seem to be growing into the sensitive, responsible man she had hoped. Its not like she verbally assaults me with it, but when we hit disagreements, which is often, we go through the standard process of "you disappoint me, you're always grumpy, you don't fight the dragon at the top of the hill, etc etc."

My mom has a hard life. Again, I won't go into it, but needless to say, it hasn't exactly turned out the way she probably imagined it would 30 years ago when she was a teenager filled with hopes and dreams. We've been getting into so many fights lately. About my autistic brother, about life, about that dragon, about pretty much anything that can be argued about. I have nothing to offer her but stress and hard times. I'm already aware that I am a disappointment to her, and I feel like I just bring nothing but shame. To my eyes, the love she offers me is now only the mandatory love a mother gives a child. As such, I feel the thing I should do is leave. I feel like it would be better for her, and better for me. A lot of my mental and emotional instability comes from the very house in which I type this post.

So, here I am, admitting that I am a terrible son who not only can't handle living with my own mother and help take care of my autistic brother that loathes me, but that in the end, they (and I) would probably be better off if I just exited the household. I know to some of you that might sound awkward that a 20 year old dude says hes finally leaving the house, because from what I'm told, in the mainland a lot of people move out at 18, but in Hawaii for some reason among most families it does not work like that. I think its because a lot of us are too poor to do things like that. The excuse most of us will give is that in Hawaii, family is most important and need to always stick together and stuff, or whatever it is that girl in Lilo and Stitch said. Ohana and such, but really they are saying "we are too poor to split up."

So now that moving in a strongly considered thing, I don't know where to move. I don't have the money to move in to some apartment, because even with a job and the crappiest apartment you could ever imagine, rent is still impossibly high. I don't want to move in with my dad. Hes more well off than my mom, but hes equally disappointed in me from what I can tell, and probably even more for all that I know. Thats really just about my only other choice, so thats my dilemma. For now I remain stayed, but its now something that has to happen, and soon.

In summation, Lilo and Stitch is a terrible movie.

Oh, if there was anyone who in fact did read this, I disabled comments, assuming you wanted to leave one. Its not really something I want to discuss.

To make a music video.

As I'm sure most of you probably don't know, I aspire to be a filmmaker. I want to make music videos, movies, trees, and everything else filmmakers make. Over the past few months I've been thinking about a music video idea for the song "Food" by Reggie and the Full Effect. The song is as follows.



I did not make that video. I just wanted to share the song so you are all on the same page, and that guy conveniently had made that with the song set to it, and yeah. Shut up.

So, after like three months of talking about it but doing nothing about it, my friend and I have decided to get started. Now, I don't know if you all feel the same way, but this song totally screams for a dance music video, in the same vein as Weapon of Choice (Fatboy Slim, directed by the always amazing Spike Jonze).



You won't believe how hard it is to find this video on youtube that doesn't have embedding disabled. Theres possibly a good reason for this, but I'm not sure what it is.

Well anyways, as I was saying, in the same vein as that video. Not on the same scale (there will be no flying), but it'd be a dance in time with the song. Neither he or I actually knows how to dance, and were choreographing it on our own, and so there is a good chance this might end up terrible, but we have to start somewhere. We've actually started so many things and stopped halfway through, and if we want to make it, we need to stop doing that, and we are trying to see to it that this is where the quitting ends.

Pester me every once in a while about it, and say you will be disappointed if it is not done by summer. If its not done by then, it probably will never get done. So yeah, pester me about it. Like, every once in a while, but often enough. Whenever we amke major leaps and stride we'll let you know. We might even take pictures and such.

Thats all! Bye!

Oil Prospectors

If someone knows how to make it its original size so you don't have to keep clicking it, please let me know. I'll give you hugs in exchange.