The Fake Suicide Note Incident.

So, if you know me, you know I like to make jokes. I really like to go out of my way to make a good joke. Effort is hardly ever wasted. Even if the person who the joke is meant for is the only one who doesn't find it funny, or if only one person finds it funny. If theres a chance I can make something funny, I'll probably take it. Humor is like my second blood. I like to make big, elaborate jokes when it calls for it, whether it be making fun of angry, ranting myspace bulletins, or writing a fake suicide note on an internet forum goers behalf. The following story is that of the latter (as you can tell by the title of this).

In a recent thread, the subject was the upcoming Coen Brothers movie, Burn After Reading. In this thread, posters compared the style of this movie to another Coen Brothers movie, Fargo. Anyone who has seen Fargo knows its a bit of a comedy in the first half, then slowly dips into incredibly violent and depressing (compared to the first half, anyways) in the second, and Burn After Reading, based on its trailer, seems to follow that structure. Along with mentioning Fargo, most of the posters were in agreement that Fargo was one of the Coen's best. One poster disagreed, saying that not only he and his friends disliked it, but that he had never met a single soul that actually did like it. Not long after making that statement, another poster came in and quipped that this particular persons life experience had just been expanded because hey, he just met people who clearly liked Fargo.

Then bam, my remaining 20 brain cells kicked in, I got an idea, and I went into ACTION.

The very first thing that popped into my head was to write a suicide note in the character of Mr. DontlikeFargo, saying that not knowing anyone who liked Fargo was the only thing holding him from killing himself, and now that he had, life no longer had meaning. The entire letter was filled with a bunch of things giving away it was a joke, and to send that puppy home, I ended it with "P.S. We're out of rope."

Just as I was about to post this masterpiece I got to thinking "hm, maybe I shouldn't do this. I mean, I know theres hardly a taboo on the forum, but maybe a fake suicide note is pushing the limit." Seriously, I didn't want to post it, then on some insane off chance, another forum poster had a friend or family member who wrote a suicide note before letting bears eat him, then the note brings back awful memories which causes him to go insane and start a war against the bears. He'd never make it out alive, not with WarBear out there, anyways. So, Just to be safe, I messaged a moderator asking if he thought it was a good idea. He replied saying that while he sees nothing wrong with the note, as its all within the context, he felt that other posters had already dug into him enough, so to post my extreme and elaborate joke might be a bit too much of a rib at this point. I said okay, thanked him for the advice, and didn't use it. I put it in my pocket, and left it there for days. After a while I checked my pocket, and after realizing it was no longer there, I figured I threw it away.

Until this morning, that is.

I woke up to the vibration on my phone, as my face felt it right to fall asleep right on top of it. I checked to see who it was, and after realizing it was an unknown call, decided it was not worth answering. They left a message, and I love voicemails, so I checked it. It was my aunty who lives at my dads house, and she had this extremely frantic tone of voice about her. I called her back and asked what was up. She sounded so worried, like someones life was on the line, and said "Michael, I found this note on the ground, and maybe its just one of your video game friends or something, but its a suicide note, Michael!"

Oh shit. Oh shiiiiiiit. I guess I didn't throw it away.

"OH NO NO NO NO, AUNTY WAIT THATS JUST A JOKE!" "What?" "Yeah, for those internet forums I post on, I wrote that as just a joke. If you knew why that was written it'd made complete sense, but yeah, thats not real." After a few seconds of silence, my aunty began talking again, this time with a voice of relief, yet still a bit of concern.

"Michael, I called dad about this."

My heart dropped for a second, as I somehow confused "Dad" with "the police." If there was one thing I didn't want to do at this point, it was have to explain to a bunch of cops that I wrote a fake suicide note to make my internet forum friends laugh. Somehow I think that unless one of them posted on the forums, that would not go down well with them. So, I asked her to repeat that, and it became quite clear that I heard wrong.

"I called dad, Michael. I thought someone was really trying to kill themselves. Especially at the end where it says 'p.s. Were out of rope' and I was like 'what the hell?!' Michael, call him right now before this gets out of hand!"

So we hung up and I called him, who was a lot more calm about it then I thought he would be. I explained it was a joke for the internet forums, to which he replied that that was a bad idea for a joke, and I again explained how it makes complete sense within context, so while everyone on the forums would have got it (and found it hilarious), I agreed that overall, suicide notes are a hard thing to get humor out of.

As much as I want to post the note and show you guys, I'm pretty sure my aunt threw it away by now, which I find to be sad, because I know it was hilarious.

Too bad.